Thoughts From Grieving Children and Teens
LIVE EVERY DAY AS IT IT’S YOUR LAST
(A teen’s reflections on the sudden death of her father)
People always say to live every day as if it’s your last. I used to hear that all the time but I never really understood what it meant. How can I live like today is my last day on Earth? I thought that it meant to do all the things that you want to do before you die. Well, I have big plans for my life so how in the world could I do all of them in a day? After a while I decided that it was just a saying and that it didn’t really mean anything. Then something happened that changed my life forever. It was September 7, 2008.
As I write, that was one year, four months, and three days ago but I still remember it as if it were yesterday. I woke up at about two in the afternoon. I never sleep in but I had stayed the night at my friend’s house and we were up all night long. I was sick, most likely from the large amount of junk food I had eaten the night before. I got a text message from my cousin asking if I had talked to my mom. I had no idea what she was talking about until she called me and explained that this morning my dad had run a few errands with my mom. He had the window down and a bee stung his hand. It was getting swollen so my mom was taking him to the hospital and my aunt would be there to pick me up any minute. I remember thinking that it was ridiculous to be going to the hospital over a bee sting. I thought it happens all the time and I wished I could just turn over and go back to sleep.
When I walked into the hospital, my whole family was waiting. My mom was crying. A nurse came in and asked us to follow her. We walked into a conference room and everyone sat down. I didn’t understand why we were back there. I had been to the hospital a thousand times but I always waited in the waiting room. Why was it different today? Why was my whole family here for a little bee sting? I found out momentarily when a nurse walked into the room. “I’m sorry, it was too late and there was nothing we could do.”
You know how when you watch movies and something really bad happens everything turns into slow motion? That’s how I felt. I could feel my heart beating in my chest, it was slower than usual and I could hear it loudly in my ear. All of a sudden, my dad was gone. I would never see him again. He wouldn’t walk me down the aisle the day I got married or hold my first child. He wouldn’t see me graduate from high school or send me off to college. The rest of the day was a blur.
When I woke up the next day I didn’t open my eyes. I was just lying there hoping that everything had just been a bad dream. When I opened my eyes I was on my living room floor. My cousin was next to me, my best friend was on the couch, and I knew that it wasn’t a dream. I started thinking about the last time I saw him. My parents and I had gone to my dad’s favorite restaurant, but I had an “attitude” because I was in a hurry. When I left he hugged me. I told him I loved him and he said he loved me too and called me a brat. I was already half way to my mom’s car by the time he finished. I wish I could have hugged him for a second longer. I wish I could have told him what a great father he was. I shouldn’t have been rude at breakfast. All of a sudden in that second I realized what it meant to live every day as if it were your last.
It isn’t about big things that you do. It’s about the little things in your life. It’s about taking an extra second to help someone and never leaving anything unsaid. It’s about finding happiness in the small things you do every day. Most importantly it’s about never having regrets. My father was my very own guardian angel. He wasn’t here for as long as I would have liked but I like to believe that’s because heaven was short an angel. When he was alive he worked all the time and now I like to believe he is sitting out on a lake somewhere fishing. He loved to fish. He taught me many things but most importantly the meaning of living life to its fullest. Believe in fairy tales. Act like a kid. Never have regrets. By doing this you will begin to understand the difference between living a happy life and living a good life.
The Author is 16 years of age.
MY SISTER
My sister died, but she’s not in a grave
She’s in a pretty box for us to save.
I’d like to see my dad if I could
I’d like to walk down the street with him, yes I would.
Never take diseases alone;
Take medicine but--
Medicine doesn’t help you a lot.
Sometimes I feel like a crack in the earth
Without my sister, who I knew since her birth.
MY DAD
Sometimes my dad boiled soup for me--
I used to help him fix stuff in the house, you see.
I’ve learned from life: you can’t know it all.
At the same time, we wish our loved one would call.
We call my dad’s cell phone to hear his voice…
For him to die was not my choice.
I always will care and I know I’ll be safe and strong
With those who love me all day long.
WISHING YOU WERE HERE
I wish you were here with me
This is the time I need you most
I'm going into Middle School
I know your still with me
I wish you could see me
growing each day
just like you taught me
I'll be 12 soon
I'll be at my first dance
I wish you were here
to see me growing,
more and more
Guide me through my years
help me in bad times,
when I'm lonely,
sad and down
I love you, Dad.
(A teen’s reflections on the sudden death of her father)
People always say to live every day as if it’s your last. I used to hear that all the time but I never really understood what it meant. How can I live like today is my last day on Earth? I thought that it meant to do all the things that you want to do before you die. Well, I have big plans for my life so how in the world could I do all of them in a day? After a while I decided that it was just a saying and that it didn’t really mean anything. Then something happened that changed my life forever. It was September 7, 2008.
As I write, that was one year, four months, and three days ago but I still remember it as if it were yesterday. I woke up at about two in the afternoon. I never sleep in but I had stayed the night at my friend’s house and we were up all night long. I was sick, most likely from the large amount of junk food I had eaten the night before. I got a text message from my cousin asking if I had talked to my mom. I had no idea what she was talking about until she called me and explained that this morning my dad had run a few errands with my mom. He had the window down and a bee stung his hand. It was getting swollen so my mom was taking him to the hospital and my aunt would be there to pick me up any minute. I remember thinking that it was ridiculous to be going to the hospital over a bee sting. I thought it happens all the time and I wished I could just turn over and go back to sleep.
When I walked into the hospital, my whole family was waiting. My mom was crying. A nurse came in and asked us to follow her. We walked into a conference room and everyone sat down. I didn’t understand why we were back there. I had been to the hospital a thousand times but I always waited in the waiting room. Why was it different today? Why was my whole family here for a little bee sting? I found out momentarily when a nurse walked into the room. “I’m sorry, it was too late and there was nothing we could do.”
You know how when you watch movies and something really bad happens everything turns into slow motion? That’s how I felt. I could feel my heart beating in my chest, it was slower than usual and I could hear it loudly in my ear. All of a sudden, my dad was gone. I would never see him again. He wouldn’t walk me down the aisle the day I got married or hold my first child. He wouldn’t see me graduate from high school or send me off to college. The rest of the day was a blur.
When I woke up the next day I didn’t open my eyes. I was just lying there hoping that everything had just been a bad dream. When I opened my eyes I was on my living room floor. My cousin was next to me, my best friend was on the couch, and I knew that it wasn’t a dream. I started thinking about the last time I saw him. My parents and I had gone to my dad’s favorite restaurant, but I had an “attitude” because I was in a hurry. When I left he hugged me. I told him I loved him and he said he loved me too and called me a brat. I was already half way to my mom’s car by the time he finished. I wish I could have hugged him for a second longer. I wish I could have told him what a great father he was. I shouldn’t have been rude at breakfast. All of a sudden in that second I realized what it meant to live every day as if it were your last.
It isn’t about big things that you do. It’s about the little things in your life. It’s about taking an extra second to help someone and never leaving anything unsaid. It’s about finding happiness in the small things you do every day. Most importantly it’s about never having regrets. My father was my very own guardian angel. He wasn’t here for as long as I would have liked but I like to believe that’s because heaven was short an angel. When he was alive he worked all the time and now I like to believe he is sitting out on a lake somewhere fishing. He loved to fish. He taught me many things but most importantly the meaning of living life to its fullest. Believe in fairy tales. Act like a kid. Never have regrets. By doing this you will begin to understand the difference between living a happy life and living a good life.
The Author is 16 years of age.
MY SISTER
My sister died, but she’s not in a grave
She’s in a pretty box for us to save.
I’d like to see my dad if I could
I’d like to walk down the street with him, yes I would.
Never take diseases alone;
Take medicine but--
Medicine doesn’t help you a lot.
Sometimes I feel like a crack in the earth
Without my sister, who I knew since her birth.
MY DAD
Sometimes my dad boiled soup for me--
I used to help him fix stuff in the house, you see.
I’ve learned from life: you can’t know it all.
At the same time, we wish our loved one would call.
We call my dad’s cell phone to hear his voice…
For him to die was not my choice.
I always will care and I know I’ll be safe and strong
With those who love me all day long.
WISHING YOU WERE HERE
I wish you were here with me
This is the time I need you most
I'm going into Middle School
I know your still with me
I wish you could see me
growing each day
just like you taught me
I'll be 12 soon
I'll be at my first dance
I wish you were here
to see me growing,
more and more
Guide me through my years
help me in bad times,
when I'm lonely,
sad and down
I love you, Dad.
